Posts tagged conservatives

Dispatches from Post-Liberty America: Day One

Hello? Is anybody still out there?

It’s been a rough 24 hours since the Murder of Liberty—and I’m sending this message out into the void in the desparate hope that somewhere some of the other Sons of Liberty have managed to avoid the storm troopers. If you get this message—you are not alone. Some of us are still surviving in the hellscape. We have enough clean water for weeks—though they’ve taken away all our guns.

One of my companions was sick, probably dying from an infected cut. Eventually the broadcasts got to him. He went to get Obamacare. The penicillin had microchips in it. That’s how they found us. That’s how they got the guns.

If you get this—reblog immediately. We’ve uncovered evidence of how they got to the Chief. We’re pretty sure one of The Plumbers went by his house and put Koolaid in his tap water. Don’t fall victim yourself. Drink only rain water and pure grain alcohol.

Stay safe—and stay free.

[to the liberal panelist] Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paychecks, but he [gesturing to the conservative panelist] gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn’t cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don’t like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fuckin’ smart, how come they lose so GODDAM ALWAYS!

And [to the conservative panelist] with a straight face, you’re going to tell students that America’s so starspangled awesome that we’re the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. Two hundred seven sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom.

And you—sorority girl [college student asking the question during the lecture] yeah—just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know, and one of them is that there is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re seventh in literacy, twenty-seventh in math, twenty-second in science, forty-ninth in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number four in labor force, and number four in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next twenty-six countries combined, twenty-five of whom are allies. None of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt, a member of the WORST-period-GENERATION-period- EVER-period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about?! Yosemite?!!!

We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right! We fought for moral reasons, we passed and struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, and we acted like men. We aspired to intelligence; we didn’t belittle it; it didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we didn’t scare so easy. And we were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one—America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.

[to the moderator] Enough?

~ Will McAvoy, played by Jeff Daniels in The Newsroom